Hugo Rules

[Chris] Welcome to another addition of Now, Now. Today we have with us Elderberry Wines to talk about the Prestigious Hugo Awards and the new Sad Puppies supported Dragon Awards.

[Elderberry] Please, call me El. I am so pleased to be here, Chris. I have been a fan since you had on Rachael Moore.

[Chris] Umm…that was in June. We’ve been on the air for over six years.

[Elderberry] Oh, sorry, it seems like years ago. I did know your show existed before then.

[Chris] Well, you’re a fan now and that’s all that matters. Am I right?

[The crowd erupts in jazz fingers]

[Chris] Let’s turn our attention to the Hugo Awards. You attended MidAmeriCon II this year. How was it?

[Elderberry] It was amazing! Well, except for one small incident. Otherwise amazing. There were literally dozens of people in attendance. I got my picture taken with the Nielsen Haydens. That was exciting.

[Chris] I want to hear about this incident. Did it involve the Puppies?

[Elderberry] It did, Chris. During some panel on short fiction. I was too traumatized by what happened to remember what the panel was supposed to be about. Tom Truesdale…

[Chris] Don’t you mean Dave Truesdale?

[Elderberry] Maybe, all the puppies look alike to me. Anyway, Larry…

[Chris] Dave.

[Elderberry] …was the moderator of the panel. He was like a madman, screaming and yelling and wouldn’t let anyone else speak. I thought he was going to attack someone. Thank the gods that security was there. They had to drag him out kicking and screaming. I’ve never seen such a thing in my life. He’s permanently banned now, for which I’m so grateful. I just didn’t feel safe with Brad…

[Chris] Dave.

[Elderberry] at the convention. One of his thugs got thrown out too.

[Chris] Wow. That sounds terrible.

[Elderberry] It was. Me and some of my friends spend the night smoking weed and coloring in order to recover from such trauma.

[Chris] Did you attend the Hugo Awards Ceremony?

[Elderberry] That was the best part of the whole convention. Only the deserving received awards. The puppies tried to take over the awards again this year by nominating books based on the quality of the book rather than the qualifications of the authors. Who wants to read fun fiction written by a white male, when you should be reading books by black lesbian transexuals and other minority populations. They have something to say and we should be awarding them for speaking up.

[Chris] We totally agree with you, don’t we audience?

[Jazz fingers waved wildly in the air]

[Chris] Let’s move along to something rather distasteful. The Dragon Awards. What are they?

[Elderberry] After last year’s fiasco with the Hugo Awards we thought we had heard the last of them. Instead, they convinced Dragon Con organizers to set up a competing award.

[Chris] Then what happened?

[Elderberry] The puppies completely took it over. There were even self published books that won. Self-published. That would never happen with the Hugos. It’s just not right.

[Chris] And isn’t true that anyone can vote in the Dragon Awards?

[Elderberry] It is. Anyone can vote…for free. Any fan can nominate their favorite fiction and vote just by registering. How is anyone supposed to know that they are real fans of science fiction and fantasy if they don’t pay for the privilege of nominating and voting? It totally ruins the validity of the award.

[Chris] We are almost out of time. What is your prediction for the Dragon Awards.

[Elderberry] All of the winners this year were terrible so I don’t think they’ll repeat this failure another year.

[Chris] And we are out of time. I am Chris Matthews and this is Now, Now!, thank you for joining us. Goodnight.


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