Kiss Our #Texass Goodbye

Last week Britain decided to exit the EU. The aftermath was what can only be described as bizarre. You would think that the world’s economy was going to collapse, the sky was going to fall and/or it’s the beginning of the apocalypse. If it hadn’t made the international news would anyone have even cared?

This news sparked renewed calls for Texas to leave the US. If I’m not mistaken, people have been calling for an independent Texas since Texas became a state.

I decided to sit in on the Texas Independence Committee meeting where they were discussing social media strategy.

The five committee members met around the kitchen table at the home of their founder and president, Mrs. Jeff Davis. Also in attendance were Mrs. Ted Brooks, Mike Willems, Ben Miller, Aaron Taylor and Sam Houston.

President Davis bangs the wooden grip of Sam’s Colt Peacemaker on the table bringing the meeting to order.

[President Davis] As you all know, Britain voted to break free from the socialist stranglehold of the EU. This gives us renewed hope that we too can once again be the free and independent state of Texas. First, though, we should take attendance.

Ice tea glasses in hand, the other four raise their glasses.

[Everyone, but President Davis, in unison] Go Texas!

[President Davis] Good, good, we’re all here then.

[Mrs. Brooks] We need a catchy slogan like the Brits had. Brexit is memorable and it’s everywhere. People can’t stop talking about it. We need something like that to get our movement going.

The sole teenager at the table raised his hand.

[President Davis] For the hundredth time, dear, you don’t need to raise your hand.

He put his hand down.

[Taylor] We could use Texit.

Miller put both hands in the air.

[Miller] Oh, dear God, no. Do you know how many times a day I hear texit to me between classes? Use that and you’ll have to lock me up in the loony bin.

[Willems] I don’t care what we use. The game starts at two. Can we hurry this along? He adjusted his ball cap.

[Brooks] I gotta leave in fifteen to pick up my kids so can we just vote on Texit?

[President Davis] We can’t just use a knock-off of Brexit. No one will take us seriously. We’ll be seen as riding on the coattails of the British. We are Texas. We don’t follow, we lead. Now, are there any other suggestions?  Mr. Miller? Mr. Houston? Anyone?

[Miller] Tex-out?

[Willems] No.

[Taylor] Indie Tex?

[Mrs. Brooks] Ugh

[President Davis] Sam?

Sam rocked his chair back on two legs. He picks up the Peacemaker and absently polishes the revolver with a kitchen towel as he talks.

[Houston] We should have stayed an independent state. My great, great, great, great grandaddy tried to tell people joining the Union was a mistake, but they wouldn’t listen. Now look at the mess we’re in. Them judges in DC just said we have to let them baby killers keep killing. And the Obama administration won’t let us build a wall to keep out them illegals. My great, great, great, great grandpappy was right. If we had stayed an independent state, we wouldn’t have liberals trying to tell us what to do.

[President Davis] Yes, we know, Sam. You’ve told us countless times before. Do you have any ideas for our campaign?

[Houston] Free Texas

[Taylor] Like Free Willy?

[Houston] Free who? You young’uns are strange.

[Brooks] Times up. My kids need me, so you can all kiss this sweet Texas ass goodbye.

Brooks stands and slaps her ass with her hand then blows them a kiss before heading to the door.

[President Davis] Next week? Same time?

[Brooks] Wouldn’t miss it. Let me know what you come up with.

Brooks puts on her cowboy hat and leaves.

[Miller] Hmm…Tex-ass

[President Davis] Well, it’d be easy to remember.

[Taylor] I like it. The US can kiss our Texas ass.

[President Davis] All in favor.

[Miller, Taylor and Davis] Aye.

[Willems] I don’t care.

[Houston] I don’t like it. My great, great, great, great grandaddy used to say…

[President Davis] Stuff it Sam. Tex-ass is approved. Meeting adjourned.




    1. // Reply

      The eastern half of Iowa has been trying to give the western half of Iowa away for years. Those of us in the western half would be glad to join the United States of Texas.

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