Sleep Over At The House – #NoBillNoBreak Edition

Thank you, Congress for giving me fodder for my blog. Today alone has given me several days worth of material. First there was the sit-in by some of the Democrats in the House and then there is Steve King who opposed putting Harriet Tubman on the $20 bill…just because.

 

A cadre of Democratic Representatives walk on to the House floor and approach the Speaker.

[Rep. Lewis] Mr. Speaker! Guns are bad and kill people. We want to vote to make guns go away. Right now!

He stomps his foot for emphasis.

[Speaker Ryan] No.

[Rep. Lewis] But, we want to. Stomps foot again. We want to vote against bad guns.

[Speaker Ryan] No.

[Rep. Lewis] You’re a big ol’ meanie. If you won’t let us vote, we’re going to sit here and hold our breaths until you do. Okay, maybe not hold our breath, but we’re going to sit here until we get our way.

Rep. Lewis sticks out his lower lip, folds his arms across his chest and sits down. The rest remain standing.

[Rep. Lewis] Guuuuuyyyyys. You gotta sit too.

He tugs on the sleeve of the Rep. Clark standing next to him. They all sit down.

[Rep. Lewis] I can stay here all day.

[Rep. Hahn] whispers to Lewis I need to go pee.

[Rep. Lewis] Right now?

She nods her head.

[Rep. Lewis] But, we just sat down. How are they going to get our way if you get up to go pee?

[Rep. Hahn] fat tears begin to roll down her cheeks But, I gotta goooooooooo.

[Rep. Lewis] Fine.

[Speaker Ryan] Ha! That didn’t last long. Once the rest of you have to go pee, we can recess for the summer.

[Rep. Lewis] No bill, no break! Come on guuuuyyyyys. Say it too.

[The group – not in unison] No bill, no break! No bill, no break!

10 minutes later

[Rep. Lewis] Can we vote yet?

[Speaker Ryan] No.

5 minutes later

[Rep. Lewis] Can we vote yet?

[Speaker Ryan] No.

[Rep. Lewis] But we want to.

[Speaker] No. And stop asking.

More people sit down. An intern walks by with a stack of papers.

[Rep. Lewis] Hey…you. Can you take a picture of us with my phone? I’d take a selfie, but I can’t figure this thing out.

The intern takes a picture and hands the phone back to Rep. Lewis. He hands the phone to a younger Representative who just sat down.

[Rep. Lewis] Do you know how to do this tweeter thing?

[Rep. Kennedy] Sure.

He takes the phone and shares the photo on Twitter. 

[Rep. Kennedy] We are sitting. You can too. Totes love all. hashtag NoBillNoBreak

Rep. Kennedy hands the phone back to Rep. Lewis

10 minutes later

[Rep. Kennedy] Can we vote yet?

[Speaker Ryan] No.

More people sit down with Rep. Lewis. The intern takes a dozen more pictures between her other duties. People get their picture with Lewis, then get up and leave.

[Rep. Lewis] Heyyyyyy. Where are you going?

[Sen. Sanders] We have…to go… Where are we going Nancy?

[Rep. Pelosi] We have a meeting with some gun control freaks…er…I mean supporters. Yea, that’s the ticket.

[Sen. Sanders] We have to meet with supporters.

Sen. Sanders and Rep. Pelosi leave.

[Speaker Ryan] I have stuff to do. I’ll be back later.

[Rep. Lewis] But, we want to vote now!

[Speaker Ryan] No.

Hours pass.

[Rep. Clark] Is it snack time yet? I’m hungry.

[Rep. Lewis] Hey…you. Could you bring us some snacks?

The intern comes back with juice boxes and animal crackers for everyone sitting on the House floor.

[Rep. Chu] I don’t like grape. Can I have a different kind?

[Intern] I have a cherry left or orange.

[Rep. Chu] Orange, please.

Rep. Kennedy takes the grape juice box out of Rep. Chu’s hands.

[Rep. Chu] Hey! Why do you get two juice boxes. I want two juice boxes.

The intern drops the juice boxes and walks away.

It starts getting dark.

[Rep. Clark] What if the Speaker won’t let us vote? How long are we going to stay here?

[Rep. Lewis] All night if we have to.

Rep. Chu and Rep. Clark turn to each other.

[Rep. Chu & Rep. Clark in unison] Sleep over!

[Rep. Durbin] We can do each other’s nails and wear those awesome footy pajamas.

Rep. Esty stands at the edge of the group.

[Rep. Esty] Did I hear someone say sleepover? Turns to the intern walking by. Could you take a picture of me with my sleeping bag? My mom’s never going to believe this.

The intern takes the picture and then sits down with the group.

[Rep. Lewis] Thanks for supporting our efforts. Can I get a picture with you?

[Intern] Hell no. I’m just tired. I’ve been doing my job and waiting on your lazy asses.

Meanwhile in the hallway outside of the House Chambers…

[Speaker Ryan] On the phone. I don’t want to go back in there, Mom. They’re whining. And Rep. Lewis keeps asking me if they can vote every 5 minutes. I’m ready to tear my hear out.

[Speaker Ryan’s Mom] I remember when you use to do that, except it was “can I have a puppy”. For 3 years straight, you asked me that. And you know what I did?

[Speaker Ryan] Smacked my ass with a wooden spoon every time I asked.

[Speaker Ryan’s Mom] Yes, dear. Eventually, you stopped asking. Go in there and face them like a man.

[Speaker Ryan] But, I don’t want to.

[Speaker Ryan’s Mom] Don’t make come up there.

[Speaker Ryan] Yes, Mom.

Back on the House floor. Speaker Ryan returns.

[Rep. Lewis] Can we vote yet?

[Speaker Ryan] No.

 

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